


the ABCs of the Tree Bros

by moldymilk



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bad Cooking, Drabbles, Jail, Love Confessions, M/M, groupchats, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-01 08:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10918059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moldymilk/pseuds/moldymilk
Summary: ABC oneshot book for the tree bros.





	1. A is for Anonymous

Evan stared at the flowers. There was a little note attatched, reading " _Dear Evan Hansen: I like you. I've liked you for a while now. You may not think you're worth much, but you're worth everything to me. You convinced me not to kill myself. Thank you. Sincerely, me._  

 

The flowers had been shoved in his locker before second period. He wondered who they could be from, considering he only talked to about four people excluding his mom. There was one thing that really tipped him off as to who it could be: "you convinced me not to kill myself" 

 

See, he had talked one of those four people out of suicide before, which is mostly why they were friends. Evan had found Connor sitting on the edge of a bridge, asked him what he was doing there, to which Connor had responded with "Preparing to jump, Hansen. The fuck does it look like?". Evan physically dragged him off the edge and then talked him out of it, so he was certain it had to be him.  

 

"Connor. Connor Murphy." 

 

"Evan. Evan Hansen." 

 

"I need to ask you something." 

 

"Ask away. Unless it's about murder because we shouldn't discuss that in public, Evan." 

 

"Um, doyouknowwhosenttheflowers?" 

 

"Slow down, Hansen." 

 

"Did you s-send the flowers, Connor?" Connor blushed. 

 

"Uh, yeah?"  

 

"Thanks, Connor." 

 

"I mean it, Evan. I like you. I like you a _lot_." 

 

"I like you too. Do you wanna, um b-be my boyfriend?" 

 

"Who wouldn't? You're amazing, Evan."


	2. B is for Bail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to jail. they make out in jail. fun times in jail.

There were times in Connor's life where he wondered how he got there. For example, him throwing the printer in second grade, getting in his first real fist fight in fourth, having to go to the hospital for his broken nose in seventh, getting his license in tenth, and now. 

 

Connor had been driving recklessly along the highway, maybe just a little high, when he was pulled over. Instead of complying with the cop and walking away with a warning, he told the cop to "fuck off, you fat fucking pig", earning him a night in jail with a $250 bail. He didn't want to tell his parents, so he called Zoe, because she could never stay mad at him. The only problem is that he had to wait in the cell for at least another two hours.  

 

The boy was zoning out when he heard the  cell door open. He looked up, thinking it was Zoe, coming to get him, but no. It was another boy. 

 

"Connor?" Shit. Connor didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment.  

 

"Who the fuck are you?" The other boy stepped closer, revealing himself. 

 

"Evan Hansen. Um, we go to school together." Connor squinted at the boy. 

 

"I'm aware." 

 

"What did you do?" 

 

"It's not that interesting. What's more interesting is what did you, the resident not sinner, do?" 

 

"Trespassing." 

 

"Why?"   
 

"I wanted to climb a tree but forgot the orchard closes at 7. What did you do?" 

 

"Reckless driving. Because that's who I am, reckless."   
 

The two boys talked for an hour more, before Connor remembered something important.  

 

He was talking to Evan Hansen. _The_  Evan Hansen who he's had a crush on since May of junior year. In a jail cell, of all places. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. He could stop talking if he wanted to, but Evan just seemed so anxious that he couldn't bring himself to do it.  

 

Eventually, Evan fell asleep, leaning against the wall. Connor sat on the other side of the room, just watching. He loved the way Evan's hair seemed to be a little rough, probably from climbing out of the tree. He loved how peaceful Evan looked, like all his problems melted away, and he was happy. Connor wished that could happen to him. 

 

Evan woke up from his nap with a start, only to discover Connor trying to move him. He pretended to be asleep, because he didn't feel threatened for some reason. All of a sudden, instead of leaning into the corner of the cell, he was leaning on Connor's should. Connor, the hard badass who he liked, maybe could actually have a soft spot for him. God damn, this was a weird day.  

 

After fifteen minutes, Evan "woke up". 

 

"Sorry for moving you, Evan. The corner just looked so uncomfortable." 

 

"Thanks, Connor." Evan's head released a burst of confidence he didn't know he had. "Can I do something I've always wanted to do?" 

 

"Go ahead, Evan." Evan leaned up and kissed the other boy, before retreating quickly. He wished he could've stayed longer to really capture the kiss in his head. 

 

"S-sorry, I-" Connor cut off Evan by smashing their lips together again, this time lasting long enough for Evan to remember the kiss. 

 

"What's your bail at?" 

 

"Two hundred." Connor walked over to the phone and dialed Zoe's number. 

 

"Hi, Zoe? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to bring two hundred more. I made a friend. Or more than that. Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	3. C is for Cooking

"Connor, when was the last time you actually cooked something?" Evan questioned, while watching his boyfriend fuck up the mac and cheese. Evan was home alone, so he asked Connor to come over. Neither of them wanted to order food, so there they were, in the kitchen butchering the food.  

 

"I'm trying my best, Evan, and that's what matters." 

 

"There's no water in the pot." 

 

"So?" 

 

"There needs to be water in the pot or else the noodles are going to catch on fire." 

 

"Maybe I'm trying to light the noodles on fire. You don't know me." 

 

"Connor, we're dating. I'm at least 80 percent sure I know you." Connor gave up, handing the spatula over to Evan. 

 

"Thanks for not burning my house down, Connor." 

 

Half an hour and a small fire later, the two boys finally agreed to order pizza. For the rest of the night, they sat on the couch, watching shitty movies and cuddling.


	4. D is for Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many fucking chapters and i going to end with someone calling zoe jesus christ

Jared knocked on Evan's door, semi unknowingly interrupting a quiet evening alone for Connor and Evan. After about thirty seconds with no answer, he started slamming the doorbell repeatedly.  

 

"YOU TWO HAD BETTER NOT BE FUCKING IN THERE" 

 

Inside, Connor heard Jared and took off his shirt, then convinced Evan to take off his. Then he went to answer the door. 

 

"Hey, Connor. Why are you- no. No. Evan's like seven years old. If he doesn't have his shirt on I'm going to murder someone." The taller boy snorted, moving aside to let Jared into the house.  

 

Upon seeing Evan shirtless on the couch, Jared screamed again. "EVAN FUCKING HANSEN I'M DISOWNING YOU."  

 

"You aren't my dad, Jared." 

 

"I am now. You're grounded." Connor leaned over and whispered something into Evan's ear, while Evan's eyes grew wide and shrunk back to normal size. 

 

"Okay, Daddy," Connor said. Jared almost passed out.  

 

The evening continued normally for a few hours, with Connor and Evan putting their shirts back on, ordering pizza, and some mario kart, which Evan was surprisingly good at. Connor kept calling Jared 'Daddy', to his half disgust and half enjoyment, and eventually, Evan started too.  

 

"Evan, Connor, don't tell me you both have a daddy kink." 

 

"Speaking of kinks," Evan locked eyes with Connor, then Jared, and continued, "Someone here's into vore." Connor fake gasped, then turned to Jared. "I wonder who it could be? I know it's not me or my boyfriend." Jared threw a pillow at Evan, told him to shove it up his ass, then did the same to Connor, except he told Connor to "shove it so far up your urethra it goes into your fucking kidneys".  Evan decided it would be best not to shove anything into his boyfriend's dick.  

 

"But Evan, when you guys fuck it'll be just two pillows pushing up against eachother" 

 

" _No._ "  

 

"Ugh, fine. You two can learn your lessons another way." Connor looked Jared in the eyes.  

 

"Kinky, Daddy." Jared locked himself in the bathroom to call Zoe. 

 

"Zoe? Yeah, you don't really know me but you need to control your brother and his boyfriend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	5. E is for Eyes

I stared into the eyes of possibly the most beautiful boy I have ever seen, causing me to regret pushing him instantly. Why had I done that in the first place? Seeing him sprawled out on the floor, his stuff strewn everywhere, tugged on my heartstrings. The quiet, anxious boy who never spoke to anyone except Jared Klienman, is the only one I don't regret pushing. I could kill a man and feel less than I did after shoving Evan Hansen. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, so I ran away. 

 

The next time I saw him was in the computer lab. I got his paper from the  printer for him, but I didn't read it because I have just a little bit of morals. I signed his cast, then my mind decided to either fuck up or fuck up fantastically.  

 

"Um, Evan." 

 

"Hello, Connor" 

 

"I need to tell you something." I pulled him into the boy's bathroom.  

 

"I like you, Hansen."   
 

"A-are you going to kill me?" 

 

"No, I just want to date you." 

 

"Me too."  I watched his beautiful eyes meet mine. Our lips followed soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	6. F is for Fluff because it's one in the morning and i couldn't think of a better concept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo shit sorry for not updating ive been busy with school stuff and ive been focusing more on castaways

Evan stared up at his boyfriend, thinking about how lucky he was to have someone like Connor in his life. Connor had taught him that not everyone was staring at him in the hallways, that no one really cared if he went to school without brushing his hair, and that every fear could be conquered. He was the good kid that the school's trademark Bad Boy had fallen for, making his life just a little more like a shitty teen movie. Evan murmured an "I love you" into Connor's chest and fell asleep. 

Connor woke up to Evan very audibly saying "I love you". In his opinion, it was the cutest fucking thing. His boyfriend, the one and only Evan Hansen, had just admitted his feelings in his sleep. God, Connor was lucky to have him. Evan was the one who pretty much single handedly salvaged Connor's relationship with Zoe and the rest of his family. Evan was the only person outside of his family to visit him when he was in the hospital. It's not like he was in there for anything big, it was just appendicitis. Connor could go on for years about how amazing Evan was, but alas, it was three thirty seven in the morning and he needed sleep. He pressed a quick kiss onto Evan's head and fell back asleep. 

Both boys were so lucky to have each other. Both boys knew how lucky they were, and what the other had done. But, both boys didn't know the full extent of what they had done for the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


	7. G is for Groupchat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more Sincerely Three but what can you d o

_**theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** added  **treevan, connorfuckingmurphy, zomurph,** and  **beckwiththegoodhair** to the chat_

 

 **zomurph:** jared why is your username so long

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : its not the only thing about me thats long ;)

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : jared what the fuck youre already dating me and evan why do you need to bring my sister into this

 

 **zomurph** : your answer didnt suffice for my question 

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman:** great now the murphy siblings are ganging up on me where are alana and evan when you need them

 

 **beckwiththegoodhair** : im here but im siding w/ my gf not you

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : rude

 

 **treevan** : im here too but im confused

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : jared was flirting with zoe

 

 **zomurph** : read that chat evan

 

 **treevan** : im gonna side with con,,,,,,,

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : thats it im divorcing both of you

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy:** wait shit when did we get married

 

 **zomurph** : now im confused whats happening

 

 **treevan** : jared is divorcing your brother and i

 

 **zomurph:** why wasn't i invited to the wedding

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : zo i wasnt even invited to the wedding

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : it was supposedly m y wedding

 

 **treevan** : for the record i wasnt there either

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : jared you have some explaining to do 

 

_**theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** has left the chat_

_**connorfuckingmurphy** added  **theoneandonlyamaingjaredklienman** to the chat  
_

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : THOU HAST WROUGHT THIS HELL UPON THYSELF

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : jesus christ evan translate that

 

 **treevan** : 'you have brought this hell upon yourself'

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : thats it im so proud of you evan

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : GAY

 

 **treevan** : we're dating jared

 

 **treevan** : the three of us are literally dating

 

 **beckwiththegoodhair** : aw

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : i know right

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : my boyfriends are so amazing

 

 **zomurph** : suck my dick connor alanas better

 

 **beckwiththegoodhair** : i feel honored

 

 **zomurph** : you should be

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : i would like to inform all of you that zoe came into my room , yelled 'blow me' , then left

 

 **zomurph** : lies

 

 **theoneandonlyamazingjaredklienman** : i can Verify that it did happen

 

 **treevan** : i second that

 

 **zomurph** : jesus how many of you are in my house

 

 **beckwiththegoodhair** : im on my way

 

 **zomurph** : this is an infestation also lanny youre welcome anytime 

 

 **connorfuckingmurphy** : why are we still texting if were all gonna be in the same house

 

 **treevan** : good point. this is jared. bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my tumblr @moldymilk


End file.
